I fail so hard at this, but I won’t give up.

So last week sucked big fat jammy toes.  I have been feeling kinda lost lately.  I had a huge arguement with someone I thought was a true friend but I guess not since they unfriended me.  And I know, I know, people are gonna say, “they’re just FB friends, so it doesn’t count.”

Um, no to that.  Because I am super picky about who I let in to my life. I don’t have time to deal with petty BS and so I vet my friends very carefully. I have my own life thats important for me to live to the fullest so if I let you into my circle, know that you have the capacity to wound me deeply.  I’ve given you something you can use against me in the future.  Trust, the sharing of my life with you, my compassion  and yes, even sometimes, my anger.  But a true friend will work through those problems with you.  We fight, we deal with it, then we make up and move on.  Do you not do that with your ‘real life’ friends?

I do.

And I don’t really know how to do things half fast, so my FB life and my personal one kinda coincide.  And I like to think I manage both equally well.  So when I was unfriended with no warning, it cut me to the quick.  I didn’t think it would affect me this way, honestly.  I didn’t even know I hurt them this bad until much later.  I feel bad that I unintentionally hurt their feelings beyond all repair.  That they believe me to have betrayed them.  That they think me even capable of that in the first place. If you truly believed me to be so disingenious, why did we talk so much and share so much?

Then I got mad. Because if I was a true friend, why couldn’t you come to me with this issue?  Did you feel I should have known?  I didn’t.  I thought everything was great with our friendship.

I’m a a big girl, I can move past this and not let it get to me.  I have to ability to shut my feelings down and cut this person out of my life simply because they cut me out of theirs.  I just don’t want to.  I harbor no ill will towards them.  In fact, I wish them nothing but the best in the future.   But I will get past it.  And I will move on, cause that is in my nature to do so.

I don’t like to focus on negative because it really messes with my personal joy but sometimes it’s good to allow that pain to creep in and just hurt.  I mean, how else will you know how to deal with it if you do not experience it for yourself every now and again?

I am sad that they have now become someone that I used to know.

~Carla


2 thoughts on “I fail so hard at this, but I won’t give up.

  1. I am so sorry this happened. I don’t understand why things like this happen, and I appreciate you sharing your wise thoughts on the matter. You are most definitely one of the FB ‘friends’ I look forward to ‘seeing’ every day. I hope one day I get to hug your neck. =)

    Liked by 2 people

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