The rules of engagement (AKA The non-political-political post)

My husband and I have rules for fighting at our house to reduce collateral damage.

  1. No name calling – this does nothing but but intentionally hurt the other person.  Why?
  2. No bringing up the past – Have you ever been in a fight and you just keep going in circles? Yeah, forgive and forget works.  If you can’t let it go and truly forgive, you have no business expecting growth in a relationship, therefore stagnancy occurs and before you know it resentment and then BAM! You’re divorced. (Okay, maybe not that dramatic but you see where I’m going)
  3. Focus on the point – God this took  a LOT of practice for us.  It’s easy to be distracted by past issues and hypothetical situations.  DON’T DO IT! This is the downfall of many an argument.
  4. LISTEN TO YOUR OPPONENT – Do not listen to reply.  Listen to listen.  Again, this is hard for a self-absorbed and dare I say privileged populace.  It’s become a me me me generation.

Look, I’m not here to rant and rave about Trump or any of his billions of rights he may want to take away from us.  I’m just gonna vent a bit on my personal (and quite possibly privileged) view.

I live in California.  We are a state that is firmly ensconced in blue, and have been for as long as I can remember.  I love blue, it’s a lovely color. We also happen to be one of the largest economies in the nation, quite possibly the world.  Not to mention, we have San Francisco, a famous stomping ground for civil rights activists, especially with regards to the LGBT community.  Growing up in the Bay Area has afforded me a unique look into different cultures.  And coexisting kinda goes without saying for the most part.  (One time I lived in MI. Whoa!  Almost everyone was white, it freaked me out, I wasn’t used to it.) Loads of protests have come and gone through our great state. And I love that we have the right to express ourselves in that manner.

We fucking rock!

But I have been seeing a lot of right vs. left hate lately and…I’m just gonna say it.


What happened to having a fucking debate? Every side has pros and cons and we ain’t perfect folks! It’s like walking into a gang fight when I turn on the TV.  And heaven forbid I don’t pick a side because, “I’m part of the problem.”  I’m a socialist, not a liberal.  We are NOT the same.  I’m tired of having to feel like I have to choose one side.  What happened to bipartisanship? What happened to listening to ALL sides and making an INFORMED decision?

I’m not saying don’t fight for what you believe in. By all means protest, rally, IDGAF. You do you boo. I just don’t understand how we, as a country, can blindly say, “You’re wrong!” because of a party affiliation.  And don’t you fucking dare tell me that’s not what’s happening! I’m calling bullshit on that right now.

I see people nitpicking the fuck outta other people’s character due to party affiliation. News flash: people are assholes.  Every single one has been an asshole at some point in their lives.  You are not better than them because of something you saw on TV.  Yes, actions speak louder than words but, and this is a big deal to me; Do we hold these actions against them for eternity or can we come together as a country, forgive past offenses and focus on the important issues at hand?  Are these people capable of changing?  Do you care if they are?  I hope the answer to those questions is yes, otherwise, I am not worthy of your friendship.  Or are you writing them off as a lost cause?  I mean, we are not dealing with absolutes here.  Things change, evolve, grow.

Don’t forget, this too is temporary.  And know that everything done can almost certainly be undone.  This is not to say forget about it.  But just…keep it in perspective.  If a person is only shown hate their entire life, that is all they will ever know. How do you think they will learn to overcome it?  Not by shouting angry rhetoric attacking someones character. By leading by example and showing them love and how to love.

People seem a bit too emotionally invested right now.  I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, you have a right to feel this way, as do I.  But may I suggest taking a step back and evaluating what you mean or are truly attempting to say when you blindly attack someone due to party affiliation?

I’ve debated posting my opinion  because of backlash I may receive.  But like AJR says, Where my haters
Where my haters
I don’t got em
I’m not famous, no

Speaking of people who read this….Hi Lenore and Valarie! ::waves hands::

But I thought about is and I shall not be pressured in to silence.  Just as you should not. See? It goes both ways.

One last thing, why is it so hard to forgive? People are bringing up old shit as if that means something.  It doesn’t.  Can we not focus on what ‘they’ did 8 years ago to justify our present behavior? It’s not getting anything done except to cause a bigger divide.

Focus! The past is the past. It hurts, I know. Don’t forget it but we don’t need a reminder everyday. I was there, I lived it.

I’d like to leave you with this quote from my favorite poem of all time entitled PS I Love You.  I don’t know who the author is but I feel it sums up what I’m feeling lately.

Carrying a grudge is like a run in a stocking — it can only get worse. Forgiveness is the answer.

Thanks for listening.


5 thoughts on “The rules of engagement (AKA The non-political-political post)

  1. BWAHAHAHAHA…I was reading along, enjoying what you were writing, and all of a sudden BAM! Lenore. I snorted, and might have blushed a little. 😉

    I think you make some very valid points. People have forgotten how to listen and not be offended. How to allow other people to have other opinions, and still have conversations that are polite and well meaning. Even if you don’t change your mind, you might still learn something about the people you interact with, and how is that a bad thing? It’s just hard when people are passionate about topics.


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